The Bible in Malachi 2:15 mentions that God hates divorce God “seeks a godly seed.” God commands us very clearly about our children, that we should guide them in the way of God so that they would be saved and serving God. This is not optional, and the manner of doing it is likewise not optional. Some say that they will wait until their kids are adults and let them choose for themselves. This only lets the world educate your children as Satan and our sinful nature would have it.

Eph. 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The obligation to train them

Eph 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This verse commands us to bring them up, doing it the correct way against the incorrect (provoke to wrath). “Nurture” means the act of providing direction to live responsibly in this world. “Admonition” means to counsel about stopping or avoid incorrect or improper conduct based on what God has said in His Word. It is a warning in what should or should not be done. Paul commented that Timothy was wise through his knowledge of the Scriptures (2Tim 3:15), and that this is exactly what the Scriptures do when we study them and apply them to our lives. We should do this as adults, but parents equally should do this for their children until they are able to do it for themselves. The OT is full of examples of these types of exhortations (Deu 4:9; 6:7; Psa 78:3-6).

Love demands Discipline

Pro 3:12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.

Heb 12:6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. 7…for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? 8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. 9 Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? The principal point here is that the parent receives the child as his own only if he disciplines the child. The motive for correcting and disciplining our children is not just to chastise them, but to correct their lives so that God doesn’t have to punish them more severely later in their lives. It is love that forces one to discipline, and that has to begin at a young age Pro 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. The child should always hear “we discipline you, because we love you.”

Goals in Disciplining

This instruction is not information only, but it is information about the will of God through the Scriptures (2Tim 3:15) such that it changes his being, his character, his attitude, and his will. This teaching is to help him stop sinning, and it should come from his parents (Pro 1:8-10), and be focused on his fulfilling the will of God (Pro 4:1-4), and recognizing the parents moral values and obeying them by following the pattern of their lives. In the Bible this is “living” so as to obtain eternal life. Isa 38:19 The living, the living, he shall praise thee, as I do this day: the father to the children shall make known thy truth.

Psa 78:3 Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. 4 We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. 5 For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: 6 That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: 7 That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments: 8 And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God. The end or purpose of training our children is so that we pass our Christian faith to them, so that they may be saved, and not forget God, so that they will keep the commandments of God and walk in faithfulness with God.

Respect for Authority: Exo 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. God promises us that if we honor and respect our parents that God himself will extend our lives on the earth. Col 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. 1Pe 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme. In other words, the will of God is that we have respect for all in authority, especially the elderly and our own parents.

Control of One’s Self: Pro 16:32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. The person who cannot control his own spirit is a threat to society, and is condemned to suffer under the hand of God and the civil authorities. Mat 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. What God imposes in our lives (and in the lives of our children) is that we deny ourselves, and suffer the hard things in order to comply with God’s wishes. Pro 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Human character without the influence of God is totally devoid of moral character, and this is seen by the foolish things of the world in his life. Men dedicate themselves to make the biggest ball of rubber bands in the world, as is seen constantly on Ripley’s “Believe it or Not” presenting time after time. Where is the eternal value in such foolishness? What importance will today’s sports have in 100 years? None. Most people hardly even remember it a year later.

Resisting bad influences. 1 Cor.-15:33 says “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” The goal here is to teach our kids to recognize and resist wicked influences in the world, in their friendships, in the popular culture, in the TV, or wherever they may be. It is always good to remember that the truly saved are a remnant (Rom 9:27), and we will never be in the majority nor in what is popular.

Training servants, not egotists. Phil 2:3-4 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.  Part of finding the will of God and staying in it is to see what God wants in our character. It is the spirit of Satan (Isa 14:12-15) to exalt ourselves. Pro 27:2 Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips. To be a mature Christian adult and to please God is to have a life that is focused on serving others rather than being served or saturating one’s self with sensual pleasures and luxuries.

The spirit of not complaining, but doing everything out of a good heart (humble spirit) for the Lord. Here we need to deal with the attitude of the child. Many times your child will do what you ask him to do, but not with the proper spirit, but with murmuring and conflict. Php 2:14 Do all things without murmurings and disputings: Col 3:23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men. God notices our heart attitude when we do something, and even things that seem insignificant to us. Our Christian faith shines through our “insignificant” activities when we have joy, peace, and initiative in what we do.

We should add that Job 9:27 If I say, I will forget my complaint, I will leave off my heaviness, and comfort myself. Part of having the correct attitude is to not make faces when it is something unpleasant or something one doesn’t want to do. One should do everything with joy in their heart, and this joy should manifest itself by how you do what you do.

How do we do this?

We should focus on the methods which God has commanded to instruct our children. The first method is to teach by example, and that is by our own personal life before our children. The truth is that everything that we teach our kids is useless if we who teach it are hypocrites. The vision that God gives us on this is to take them where we ourselves are spiritually speaking. Gen 18:19 For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him. The personal example of Abraham is that the obedient believer will order his own house in God’s ways. This is the most important thing there is here (apart from salvation). The influence of a holy life is what really changes people. Jos 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. Equally we see the good example of Joshua demonstrating the dedication and decision in following God and in training his children in the ways of God.

Secondly we ought to train our children in moral character. Information isn’t enough. We cannot just deal with conduct. Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. The word “train up” comes from “palate.” This refers to the custom of mothers putting honey or something sweet on their palate when they won’t drink milk, to tease them into taking their mother’s milk. This is probably the first thing a child will learn. Training then is first of all to change their being, to change their moral character. In order to train a child, the parent must be an expert student of Scriptures himself, constantly studying and learning, reflecting, meditating, and understanding. At times people try to impose moral principles without reference to the Bible, and this is a disaster.

Thirdly we should understand that God demands us to discipline our children. We do this to impose these moral teaching on them, because we love them. The point is not to punish them so that they suffer, but to change them spiritually so that they understand and follow God for their own love of God. Pro 3:12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. Pro 3:24 When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.