Standard Jet DBnb` Ugr@?~1y0̝cßFNa7I(,`{6 ߱nC353y[n/|*|Aؑaf_Љ$g'DeFx -bT4.0dv Y S  Y   Y  Y  Y Y  Y  :Y  Y  " Y % Y  Y  Y  Y 20Y  Y   Y  ;Y ConnectDatabaseDateCreateDateUpdate FlagsForeignNameIdLvLvExtraLvModule LvPropName OwnerParentIdRmtInfoLongRmtInfoShortTypecfkYYIdParentIdName        OYS Y Y Y  Y 2ACMFInheritableObjectIdSID  AtYObjectId YOW OW SY  Y Y Y  Y  Y MY  Y AttributeExpressionFlagLvExtra Name1 Name2ObjectId Ordernzf edY"ObjectIdAttribute -YOW OW SY Y Y  Y  Y M Y  Y  Y ccolumn grbiticolumnszColumnszObject$szReferencedColumn$szReferencedObjectszRelationshiptiI M  YYYszObject$szReferencedObjectszRelationshipYv1b N  : k & W  C t/  @@@@X  @@OJmJLJkQkiQ^JmYdbkWYfkmJL^Qk`kvkJMQk`kvkdL[QMmk`kvkhoQiYQk`kvkiQ^JmYdbkWYfkmdfYMbdmQk`kvkOL  @~  @ @           d k f  <@ZR=@Topic Notes:@DDD88888886 @#;@#;@MSysRelationships;DDDDDDDDDDB #;@#;@MSysQueries;88888888886 #;@#;@MSysACEs;22222222220 #;@#;@MSysObjects;88888888886 #;@#;@MSysDb:.........., #;@#;@Relationships;<<<<<<<<<<: #;@#;@Databases;44444444442 #;@#;@Tables;.........., jY04X4NY Y d YID TitleComments$8YYIDPrimaryKeyHv1bLVAL]{\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0{\fonttbl{\f0\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 Arial;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Architect;}{\f3\fnil\fcharset0 Georgia;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green0\blue0;} {\*\generator Riched20 5.40.11.2210;}\viewkind4\uc1\pard\sb100\sa100\qc\lang1033\i\f0\fs24 Applying God's Power Where You Need It Most\i0\par \b\f1\fs48 How to Overcome Sorrow\f0{\field{\*\fldinst{HYPERLINK "\\\\l "N_1_"HYPERLINK \\\\l "N_1_"HYPERLINK \\\\l "N_1_""}}{\fldrslt{}}}\b0\f0\fs24 \par \pard\sb100\sa100\par \pard\sb100\sa100\qc\b\f1\fs28 First United Methodist Church, Mineola, TX \b0\f0\fs24\par \b\f1 September 9, 2001\b0\f0\par \b\f1 Scripture: John 11:32-44\b0 \par \pard\sb100\sa100\f0\par \pard\sb100\sa100\qc\b\f1\'a9Robert G. Johnson, Jr., 2001\b0 \par \pard\sb100\sa100\f0\par \f1\fs28 Little Johnny was 5 years old when his dog died. Johnny is stunned. It is his first real experience with loss. He cries for hours. This dog had been his constant companion. He had slept at the foot of Johnny's bed every night, and now he is dead. Johnny's parents are caught off guard by the depth of his emotional response and so they scramble for ways to relieve their son's pain. Finally, his dad says, "Don't feel bad, Johnny. Saturday, you and I will go get you a new dog."\f0\fs24 \line\par \f1\fs28 A few years later, Johnny's bike is stolen. Again his dad says, "Shake it off, buddy, we will get you a new one." Later on, when Johnny is a freshman in high school, he falls in love. The world has never looked brighter ... until she unceremoniously dumps him. All of a sudden a curtain covers the sun. Johnny is heartbroken. This time it is not just a puppy or a ten-speed that can be easily replaced at the local store. Mom comes to the rescue and says, with great sensitivity, "Don't feel bad, Johnny, there are other fish in the sea."\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Some years later, when John was now a senior, his grandfather suddenly died. He and John hLVALad been very close. They had fished together every summer. John actually found out about his grandfather's death when someone slipped him a note in math class. He read the words on the paper and started getting misty-eyed. Then, without warning, John started to sob openly at his desk. It was a rather awkward situation, so the teacher excused him and sent him to the school office where he could be alone. When his father picked him up and brought him home, John saw his mother weeping in the living room and he wanted to run and hug her. But his dad said, "Don't disturb her, John. She needs to be alone. She will be all right in a little while." So John goes to his room and cries alone. He feels a deeper sense of loneliness than he has ever known.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 In a effort "to be strong and manly," John buries his feelings and replaces his sense of loss with a host of activities at school and in the neighborhood. Even with all his effort to forget and move on, though, John still finds himself thinking about his grandfather all the time. His mind keeps going back to the fishing trips, Christmas Eves together, birthday parties, and other special moments. This preoccupation continues on for months until he finally tells his dad about it. His father says, "Just give it some more time and everything will be fine."\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 So John gives it more time. Lots of time. But it is not fine. His sorrow does not seem to ever go away. What makes matters worse is that, as he remembers the details of his relationship with his paw-paw, John realizes that he had never really thanked him for the fishing trips, the sack lunches, the afternoon swims, and all the fun times they enjoyed together. In fact, he realized that he had never even told his grandfather that he loved him, at least not in so many words. He had left so many things unsaid! And now it is too late, John realized. He comes to the conclusion that he would have to live with regret for the rest of his life.\f0\fs24\par \lLVALine\par \f1\fs28 With all the inner turmoil John is facing, he says to himself, "Close relationships are just too painful. I am going to back off from any deep involvement with other people." John subconsciously decides that he will protect himself from future sorrow by building a wall around his heart and life. He will wise up, toughen up, and avoid future sorrow. He has gotten his diploma from the school of hard knocks and he has learned his lesson well.{\field{\*\fldinst{HYPERLINK "\\\\l "N_1_""}}{\fldrslt{\cf1\ul\super (1)}}}\cf0\ulnone\nosupersub\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 As we continue this series on "Applying God's Power Where You Need It Most," today we talk about dealing with sorrow. One hard reality we will all face in life is sorrow. When I say sorrow, I mean that deep, gut wrenching bad feeling you have whenever you experience loss of any kind. It can be the death of a loved one, of course. But we experience sorrow whenever we lose anything we value, like a friendship, a marriage, our health, a plan for the future, a job, a pet. We experience loss whenever we move to a new house in a new neighborhood. And as I'm experiencing, we experience sorrow even when we achieve a life-long dream and our child goes off to college.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 When a loss comes our way, often we wish that we could take a month or two off from life and find a quiet place to heal. But the reality is, life goes on. We still have to press on with our daily routine. We still have to get up in the morning, put our clothes on, go to work, eat meals, relate to other people, care for those we love, and find a way to fall asleep at the end of the day. Then, we have to get up and do it again the next day. Thankfully, God has given us some insight into how to live with loss. And that's what I want to share with you today.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \b\i\f1\fs28 Little Johnny's experience is typical of the way \ul the world \ulnone teaches us to grieve. \b0\i0 There's no bad intention in it, but it's the wLVALrong way to handle sorrow as we'll see when we look at some scriptural examples of handling loss. What did Johnny's experience teach him? He learned six things. Let's look.{\field{\*\fldinst{HYPERLINK "\\\\l "N_2_""}}{\fldrslt{\cf1\ul\super (2)}}}\cf0\ulnone\nosupersub\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 First, he learned that you are supposed to \ul\b\i bury \ulnone your feelings.\b0\i0 If you are hurting, stuff it down. Be sure you don't complicate things and make all your relationships messy with all your sorrow. Suck it up. Hold it in. Just deal with it. \par \par Second, Johnny learned to \ul\b\i replace \ulnone your loss as soon as possible\b0\i0 . Turn the page. Fix it quick. Move on. You deserve a break today, so deal with your sorrow by getting that new dog, buying a new bike, and or finding a new girlfriend.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Third, \b\i grieve \ul alone\ulnone\b0\i0 . When you are in the throes of sorrow, don't drag everyone else down with you. Pull yourself together, and when you are with others, grin and bear it. \par \par Fourth, the world taught John about grief is that \ul\b\i time\ulnone will heal your sorrow\b0\i0 . Time has a mystical power to heal all ills. Just wait and see, everything will get better.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Fifth, \b\i learn to \ul live with\ulnone regret\b0\i0 . Often there is nothing you can do to go back and make things right. Just expect to carry regret and disappointment, and maybe even guilt, with you for the rest of your life. \par \par Sixth and finally, the world taught Johnny to be once burned, but twice smart. Once you have felt the pain of life, you will \b\i learn to \ul buffer\ulnone yourself\b0\i0 . If you are wise, you will put up the necessary defenses and be sure you don't get burned again.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Does this bear any similarity to the way you have been taught to handle grief? Whenever we have a death in our church, I'm often asked, "How's he, or she, holding up?" I get the feeling that if LVALshe doesn't cry openly, if he just maintains his composure and holds a stiff upper lip, if she goes on with her life as if nothing happened, I'm supposed to say, "She's doing fine." But if he breaks down and cries, if she wants other people around her, if he talks openly about his loss, then I'm supposed to seek more counseling for him or her because they're NOT handling it well. Trouble is, people who handle grief as Johnny was taught to do sometimes end up in ditches of alcoholism, drug abuse, workaholism, broken relationships, compulsive eating and spending, and other self-destructive behaviors.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Our Scriptures today provide two examples of how God means for us to handle sorrow. And one of those examples is our Lord Jesus, Himself! What did Jesus do when he was confronted by the death of his friend Lazarus and the sorrow that went with it? Shortest verse in the Bible, so you can easily memorize it. \cf2\ul Joh_11:35\cf0\ulnone ...\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 Jesus wept.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Jesus wept in the face of sorrow. It occurred to me while I was reading this, how would I respond to seeing Jesus crying? I mean, can YOU picture Jesus, our Lord and Savior, crying with tears running down his cheeks and sobs of despair pouring from his mouth? Think about that for a moment. I want to come back to it. But here's another thought that struck me: Jesus was perfect. I don't just mean perfect in the sense of sinless, but perfect in the sense that He embodied all that it means to live as God intends us to live. And Jesus wept in the face of sorrow. So here's what struck me - \b\i the perfection Jesus models is that He \ul refused to live by the lies\ulnone\b0\i0 . He did not bottle up His pain. He didn't pretend everything was all right when it wasn't. He didn't mourn alone. He wept openly and invited others into His sorrow. So Jesus is teaching us to be open with our grief. When someone says, "How's she taking it?" I can reply, "OK, she's letting it out." \f0\fs24\LVALpar \line\par \f1\fs28 Let's look at what more we learn about overcoming sorrow from \cf2\ul Psa_116:1-19\cf0\ulnone . This writer is in the midst of some sorrow. He's struggling to regain the equilibrium in his life after a loss. Does he follow the world's wisdom and bury his feelings? No. Listen...\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 he heard my \ul cry\ulnone for mercy. \f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 Because he turned his ear to me,\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 I will call on him as long as I live. (\cf2\ul Psa_116:1\cf0\ulnone , NIV)\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 "He heard my CRY for mercy." Doesn't sound like someone bottling things up, does it? \b\i Instead of blaming God or running away, he cried out to\ul the One who could help him.\ulnone\b0\i0 And he kept crying out to the LORD for mercy. "I will call on him AS LONG AS I LIVE," he writes. \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Does he try to replace his loss and get on with life as if his loss didn't matter deeply? No. \b\i He reflects on the depth of his loss, going over and over it in his mind and allowing himself to feel the fullness of the loss...\b0\i0\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 The cords of death \ul entangled\ulnone me, the \ul anguish\ulnone of the grave came upon me; I was \ul overcome\ulnone by trouble and sorrow. (\cf2\ul Psa_116:3\cf0\ulnone )\f1 \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 But he didn't get stuck in his grief. He reflected not only on the reality of his loss, but also on the reality of his God! \b\i The psalmist also reminds himself of \ul God's character\ulnone ... \b0\i0\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 The Lord is \ul gracious\ulnone and \ul righteous\ulnone ; our God is \ul full of compassion\ulnone . The Lord \ul protects\ulnone the simple-hearted; when I was in great need, \ul he saved me\ulnone . (\cf2\ul Psa_116:5-6\cf0\ulnone ) \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Circle gracious, and righteous, and full of compassion.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 This brought great peace to his soul andLVAL resulted in a deeper commitment to follow God...\f0\fs24\par \ul\f2\fs28 Be at rest\ulnone once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may \ul walk before the Lord\ulnone in the land of the living. (\cf2\ul Psa_116:7-9\cf0\ulnone )\f1 \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Let's put all this together and come up with God's way to overcome sorrow. Worldly wisdom says, "Bury your feelings." But God's wisdom says, "\b\i Be \ul open\ulnone with your feelings\b0\i0 ." We've seen Jesus and the psalmist do this. Be open, but grieve as those who have a hope that can never be taken away. We have hope in Christ and the promise of heaven.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 The world says, "Replace your loss as soon as possible," but God's wisdom says, "\ul\b\i Review\ulnone your loss\b0\i0 ." Don't try to replace it immediately. Instead, reflect deeply and allow yourself to feel the fullness of the loss. I fear that when a woman has a miscarriage, we make the mistake of trying to get her "over it" too soon. I know I did this when Susan had a miscarriage. We must allow her to experience the reality of her loss. We must not say, "Cheer up, you'll have another one," before she has been allowed to feel that loss.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Third, when the world says, "Grieve alone. Don't drag everyone else down with you," God says, "\b\i Grieve in \ul community\ulnone\b0\i0 . I never meant for you to go through times of sorrow alone. That's why I said in \cf2\ul Rom_12:15\cf0\ulnone ...\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f2\fs28 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (\cf2\ul Rom_12:15\cf0\ulnone , NIV)\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 And...\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. (\cf2\ul 1Co_12:26\cf0\ulnone , NIV)\f0\fs24\par \line\line\line\par \f1\fs28 Fourth, when the world's wisdom says, "TimeLVAL will heal all wounds," God's wisdom says, "No it won't. It may dull the pain, but \b\i only the \ul Holy Spirit\ulnone heals hearts\b0\i0 ." This is probably one of the most dangerous teachings of the world's myth about overcoming sorrow. The Spirit is our Comforter. We must not just wait for time to heal our wounds. I've seen people still painfully grieving LONG after their loss. We must actively seek the Spirit. \cf2\ul 2Co_1:3-4\cf0\ulnone says...\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the \ul God of all comfort\ulnone , who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (\cf2\ul 2Co_1:3-4\cf0\ulnone , NIV)\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Fifth, when the world's wisdom says, "Learn to live with regret," God's wisdom says, "\b\i You \ul don't have to live\ulnone with regret for the rest of your life\b0\i0 ." God can life the load of regret, and even of guilt. "Behold," God says in \cf2\ul Isa_43:19\cf0\ulnone , "I am doing a new thing." He is the God of new beginnings. \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 And finally, when the world says, "Once burned, twice smart," God's wisdom says, "\b\i As Christ followers, we can \ul never lose\ulnone our ultimate treasure\b0\i0 ." Although life can deal us some harsh and terrible blows, Jesus Christ is our ultimate treasure. Nothing can take Him away from us. There is therefore no need to become cynical and hard-hearted.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 The bottom line on this message is this: \b\i If you grieve right, if you grieve God's way as revealed by Jesus and this psalmist, you can live right afterwards. \b0\i0 The clouds will part and the sun will come out again. But if we continue to follow the party line on grief, as Johnny did, we will continue to hit roadblocks and snags. So if you've experienced a loss, I invite you to grieve in this way. I also recommend you hold on to this outline, because LVALsome day you WILL suffer sorrow and loss. At that time, it will help you to remember today's message.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Let us pray...\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 God of all comfort, how we need you to comfort us in our sorrows. And how grateful we are that you, Lord Jesus, are a man acquainted with sorrow. \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 We live in a culture, Lord, that teaches us to grieve wrongly. We're taught not to be open with our feelings, to quickly try to replace our loss, to grieve alone, that time alone will heal us, to live with regret and guilt, and to buffer ourselves from more hurt. But grieving that way doesn't work, because you have revealed in your Word a different process.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Father, I know there are some here today who are carrying a heavy load of sorrow. They have experienced a loss, and the pain is just as fresh as it was the day it happened. Teach us how to grieve, Father. Teach us, Lord Jesus, how to grieve as you grieved. Come and comfort us, Holy Spirit. Come and heal us of the pain.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.\f0\fs24\par \par \b\f1\fs28 ENDNOTES\b0\f0\fs24 \par 1. \f1\fs20 From \i Overcoming: Applying God's Power Where You Need It Most\i0 by Bill Hybels, Willow Creek Resources, p. 55 \par 2. Ibid., p. 58 \f0\fs24\par \pard\cf3\f3\fs23\par } How to Overcome Sorrow(>2x{hUB/ ; : ; : ; : ; : : ; : ; : ; ; : ; : ^LVALnMR28AllowZeroLengthRequired( Title  .Comments  LVAL( {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0{\fonttbl{\f0\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 Arial;}{\f2\fnil\fcharset0 Architect;}{\f3\fnil\fcharset0 Georgia;}} {\colortbl ;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green0\blue0;} {\*\generator Riched20 5.40.11.2210;}\viewkind4\uc1\pard\sb100\sa100\qc\lang1033\i\f0\fs24 Applying God's Power Where You Need It Most\i0\par \b\f1\fs48 How to Overcome Sorrow\f0{\field{\*\fldinst{HYPERLINK "\\\\l "N_1_"HYPERLINK \\\\\\\\l "N_1_"HYPERLINK \\\\\\\\l "N_1_""}}{\fldrslt{}}}\b0\f0\fs24 \par \pard\sb100\sa100\par \pard\sb100\sa100\qc\b\f1\fs28 First United Methodist Church, Mineola, TX \b0\f0\fs24\par \b\f1 September 9, 2001\b0\f0\par \b\f1 Scripture: John 11:32-44\b0 \par \pard\sb100\sa100\f0\par \pard\sb100\sa100\qc\b\f1\'a9Robert G. Johnson, Jr., 2001\b0 \par \pard\sb100\sa100\f0\par \f1\fs28 Little Johnny was 5 years old when his dog died. Johnny is stunned. It is his first real experience with loss. He cries for hours. This dog had been his constant companion. He had slept at the foot of Johnny's bed every night, and now he is dead. Johnny's parents are caught off guard by the depth of his emotional response and so they scramble for ways to relieve their son's pain. Finally, his dad says, "Don't feel bad, Johnny. Saturday, you and I will go get you a new dog."\f0\fs24 \line\par \f1\fs28 A few years later, Johnny's bike is stolen. Again his dad says, "Shake it off, buddy, we will get you a new one." Later on, when Johnny is a freshman in high school, he falls in love. The world has never looked brighter ... until she unceremoniously dumps him. All of a sudden a curtain covers the sun. Johnny is heartbroken. This time it is not just a puppy or a ten-speed that can be easily replaced at the local store. Mom comes to the rescue and says, with great sensitivity, "Don't feel bad, Johnny, there are other fish in the sea."\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Some years later, when John was now a senior, his grandfather suddenly died. He anLVAL!d John had been very close. They had fished together every summer. John actually found out about his grandfather's death when someone slipped him a note in math class. He read the words on the paper and started getting misty-eyed. Then, without warning, John started to sob openly at his desk. It was a rather awkward situation, so the teacher excused him and sent him to the school office where he could be alone. When his father picked him up and brought him home, John saw his mother weeping in the living room and he wanted to run and hug her. But his dad said, "Don't disturb her, John. She needs to be alone. She will be all right in a little while." So John goes to his room and cries alone. He feels a deeper sense of loneliness than he has ever known.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 In a effort "to be strong and manly," John buries his feelings and replaces his sense of loss with a host of activities at school and in the neighborhood. Even with all his effort to forget and move on, though, John still finds himself thinking about his grandfather all the time. His mind keeps going back to the fishing trips, Christmas Eves together, birthday parties, and other special moments. This preoccupation continues on for months until he finally tells his dad about it. His father says, "Just give it some more time and everything will be fine."\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 So John gives it more time. Lots of time. But it is not fine. His sorrow does not seem to ever go away. What makes matters worse is that, as he remembers the details of his relationship with his paw-paw, John realizes that he had never really thanked him for the fishing trips, the sack lunches, the afternoon swims, and all the fun times they enjoyed together. In fact, he realized that he had never even told his grandfather that he loved him, at least not in so many words. He had left so many things unsaid! And now it is too late, John realized. He comes to the conclusion that he would have to live with regret for the rest of his life.\f0\fs24LVAL"\par \line\par \f1\fs28 With all the inner turmoil John is facing, he says to himself, "Close relationships are just too painful. I am going to back off from any deep involvement with other people." John subconsciously decides that he will protect himself from future sorrow by building a wall around his heart and life. He will wise up, toughen up, and avoid future sorrow. He has gotten his diploma from the school of hard knocks and he has learned his lesson well.{\field{\*\fldinst{HYPERLINK "\\\\l "N_1_""}}{\fldrslt{\cf1\ul\super (1)}}}\cf0\ulnone\nosupersub\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 As we continue this series on "Applying God's Power Where You Need It Most," today we talk about dealing with sorrow. One hard reality we will all face in life is sorrow. When I say sorrow, I mean that deep, gut wrenching bad feeling you have whenever you experience loss of any kind. It can be the death of a loved one, of course. But we experience sorrow whenever we lose anything we value, like a friendship, a marriage, our health, a plan for the future, a job, a pet. We experience loss whenever we move to a new house in a new neighborhood. And as I'm experiencing, we experience sorrow even when we achieve a life-long dream and our child goes off to college.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 When a loss comes our way, often we wish that we could take a month or two off from life and find a quiet place to heal. But the reality is, life goes on. We still have to press on with our daily routine. We still have to get up in the morning, put our clothes on, go to work, eat meals, relate to other people, care for those we love, and find a way to fall asleep at the end of the day. Then, we have to get up and do it again the next day. Thankfully, God has given us some insight into how to live with loss. And that's what I want to share with you today.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \b\i\f1\fs28 Little Johnny's experience is typical of the way \ul the world \ulnone teaches us to grieve. \b0\i0 There's no bad intention in it, but itLVAL#'s the wrong way to handle sorrow as we'll see when we look at some scriptural examples of handling loss. What did Johnny's experience teach him? He learned six things. Let's look.{\field{\*\fldinst{HYPERLINK "\\\\l "N_2_""}}{\fldrslt{\cf1\ul\super (2)}}}\cf0\ulnone\nosupersub\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 First, he learned that you are supposed to \ul\b\i bury \ulnone your feelings.\b0\i0 If you are hurting, stuff it down. Be sure you don't complicate things and make all your relationships messy with all your sorrow. Suck it up. Hold it in. Just deal with it. \par \par Second, Johnny learned to \ul\b\i replace \ulnone your loss as soon as possible\b0\i0 . Turn the page. Fix it quick. Move on. You deserve a break today, so deal with your sorrow by getting that new dog, buying a new bike, and or finding a new girlfriend.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Third, \b\i grieve \ul alone\ulnone\b0\i0 . When you are in the throes of sorrow, don't drag everyone else down with you. Pull yourself together, and when you are with others, grin and bear it. \par \par Fourth, the world taught John about grief is that \ul\b\i time\ulnone will heal your sorrow\b0\i0 . Time has a mystical power to heal all ills. Just wait and see, everything will get better.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Fifth, \b\i learn to \ul live with\ulnone regret\b0\i0 . Often there is nothing you can do to go back and make things right. Just expect to carry regret and disappointment, and maybe even guilt, with you for the rest of your life. \par \par Sixth and finally, the world taught Johnny to be once burned, but twice smart. Once you have felt the pain of life, you will \b\i learn to \ul buffer\ulnone yourself\b0\i0 . If you are wise, you will put up the necessary defenses and be sure you don't get burned again.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Does this bear any similarity to the way you have been taught to handle grief? Whenever we have a death in our church, I'm often asked, "How's he, or she, holding up?" I get the feeling LVAL$that if she doesn't cry openly, if he just maintains his composure and holds a stiff upper lip, if she goes on with her life as if nothing happened, I'm supposed to say, "She's doing fine." But if he breaks down and cries, if she wants other people around her, if he talks openly about his loss, then I'm supposed to seek more counseling for him or her because they're NOT handling it well. Trouble is, people who handle grief as Johnny was taught to do sometimes end up in ditches of alcoholism, drug abuse, workaholism, broken relationships, compulsive eating and spending, and other self-destructive behaviors.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Our Scriptures today provide two examples of how God means for us to handle sorrow. And one of those examples is our Lord Jesus, Himself! What did Jesus do when he was confronted by the death of his friend Lazarus and the sorrow that went with it? Shortest verse in the Bible, so you can easily memorize it. \cf2\ul Joh_11:35\cf0\ulnone ...\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 Jesus wept.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Jesus wept in the face of sorrow. It occurred to me while I was reading this, how would I respond to seeing Jesus crying? I mean, can YOU picture Jesus, our Lord and Savior, crying with tears running down his cheeks and sobs of despair pouring from his mouth? Think about that for a moment. I want to come back to it. But here's another thought that struck me: Jesus was perfect. I don't just mean perfect in the sense of sinless, but perfect in the sense that He embodied all that it means to live as God intends us to live. And Jesus wept in the face of sorrow. So here's what struck me - \b\i the perfection Jesus models is that He \ul refused to live by the lies\ulnone\b0\i0 . He did not bottle up His pain. He didn't pretend everything was all right when it wasn't. He didn't mourn alone. He wept openly and invited others into His sorrow. So Jesus is teaching us to be open with our grief. When someone says, "How's she taking it?" I can reply, "OK, she's letting it out." \LVAL%f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Let's look at what more we learn about overcoming sorrow from \cf2\ul Psa_116:1-19\cf0\ulnone . This writer is in the midst of some sorrow. He's struggling to regain the equilibrium in his life after a loss. Does he follow the world's wisdom and bury his feelings? No. Listen...\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 he heard my \ul cry\ulnone for mercy. \f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 Because he turned his ear to me,\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 I will call on him as long as I live. (\cf2\ul Psa_116:1\cf0\ulnone , NIV)\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 "He heard my CRY for mercy." Doesn't sound like someone bottling things up, does it? \b\i Instead of blaming God or running away, he cried out to\ul the One who could help him.\ulnone\b0\i0 And he kept crying out to the LORD for mercy. "I will call on him AS LONG AS I LIVE," he writes. \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Does he try to replace his loss and get on with life as if his loss didn't matter deeply? No. \b\i He reflects on the depth of his loss, going over and over it in his mind and allowing himself to feel the fullness of the loss...\b0\i0\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 The cords of death \ul entangled\ulnone me, the \ul anguish\ulnone of the grave came upon me; I was \ul overcome\ulnone by trouble and sorrow. (\cf2\ul Psa_116:3\cf0\ulnone )\f1 \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 But he didn't get stuck in his grief. He reflected not only on the reality of his loss, but also on the reality of his God! \b\i The psalmist also reminds himself of \ul God's character\ulnone ... \b0\i0\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 The Lord is \ul gracious\ulnone and \ul righteous\ulnone ; our God is \ul full of compassion\ulnone . The Lord \ul protects\ulnone the simple-hearted; when I was in great need, \ul he saved me\ulnone . (\cf2\ul Psa_116:5-6\cf0\ulnone ) \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Circle gracious, and righteous, and full of compassion.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 This brought great peace to his LVAL&soul and resulted in a deeper commitment to follow God...\f0\fs24\par \ul\f2\fs28 Be at rest\ulnone once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may \ul walk before the Lord\ulnone in the land of the living. (\cf2\ul Psa_116:7-9\cf0\ulnone )\f1 \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Let's put all this together and come up with God's way to overcome sorrow. Worldly wisdom says, "Bury your feelings." But God's wisdom says, "\b\i Be \ul open\ulnone with your feelings\b0\i0 ." We've seen Jesus and the psalmist do this. Be open, but grieve as those who have a hope that can never be taken away. We have hope in Christ and the promise of heaven.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 The world says, "Replace your loss as soon as possible," but God's wisdom says, "\ul\b\i Review\ulnone your loss\b0\i0 ." Don't try to replace it immediately. Instead, reflect deeply and allow yourself to feel the fullness of the loss. I fear that when a woman has a miscarriage, we make the mistake of trying to get her "over it" too soon. I know I did this when Susan had a miscarriage. We must allow her to experience the reality of her loss. We must not say, "Cheer up, you'll have another one," before she has been allowed to feel that loss.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Third, when the world says, "Grieve alone. Don't drag everyone else down with you," God says, "\b\i Grieve in \ul community\ulnone\b0\i0 . I never meant for you to go through times of sorrow alone. That's why I said in \cf2\ul Rom_12:15\cf0\ulnone ...\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f2\fs28 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (\cf2\ul Rom_12:15\cf0\ulnone , NIV)\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 And...\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. (\cf2\ul 1Co_12:26\cf0\ulnone , NIV)\f0\fs24\par \line\line\line\par \f1\fs28 Fourth, when the world's wisdom sayLVAL's, "Time will heal all wounds," God's wisdom says, "No it won't. It may dull the pain, but \b\i only the \ul Holy Spirit\ulnone heals hearts\b0\i0 ." This is probably one of the most dangerous teachings of the world's myth about overcoming sorrow. The Spirit is our Comforter. We must not just wait for time to heal our wounds. I've seen people still painfully grieving LONG after their loss. We must actively seek the Spirit. \cf2\ul 2Co_1:3-4\cf0\ulnone says...\f0\fs24\par \f2\fs28 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the \ul God of all comfort\ulnone , who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (\cf2\ul 2Co_1:3-4\cf0\ulnone , NIV)\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Fifth, when the world's wisdom says, "Learn to live with regret," God's wisdom says, "\b\i You \ul don't have to live\ulnone with regret for the rest of your life\b0\i0 ." God can life the load of regret, and even of guilt. "Behold," God says in \cf2\ul Isa_43:19\cf0\ulnone , "I am doing a new thing." He is the God of new beginnings. \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 And finally, when the world says, "Once burned, twice smart," God's wisdom says, "\b\i As Christ followers, we can \ul never lose\ulnone our ultimate treasure\b0\i0 ." Although life can deal us some harsh and terrible blows, Jesus Christ is our ultimate treasure. Nothing can take Him away from us. There is therefore no need to become cynical and hard-hearted.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 The bottom line on this message is this: \b\i If you grieve right, if you grieve God's way as revealed by Jesus and this psalmist, you can live right afterwards. \b0\i0 The clouds will part and the sun will come out again. But if we continue to follow the party line on grief, as Johnny did, we will continue to hit roadblocks and snags. So if you've experienced a loss, I invite you to grieve in this way. I also recommend you hold on to this outline, LVAL(because some day you WILL suffer sorrow and loss. At that time, it will help you to remember today's message.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Let us pray...\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 God of all comfort, how we need you to comfort us in our sorrows. And how grateful we are that you, Lord Jesus, are a man acquainted with sorrow. \f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 We live in a culture, Lord, that teaches us to grieve wrongly. We're taught not to be open with our feelings, to quickly try to replace our loss, to grieve alone, that time alone will heal us, to live with regret and guilt, and to buffer ourselves from more hurt. But grieving that way doesn't work, because you have revealed in your Word a different process.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 Father, I know there are some here today who are carrying a heavy load of sorrow. They have experienced a loss, and the pain is just as fresh as it was the day it happened. Teach us how to grieve, Father. Teach us, Lord Jesus, how to grieve as you grieved. Come and comfort us, Holy Spirit. Come and heal us of the pain.\f0\fs24\par \line\par \f1\fs28 In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.\f0\fs24\par \par \b\f1\fs28 ENDNOTES\b0\f0\fs24 \par 1. \f1\fs20 From \i Overcoming: Applying God's Power Where You Need It Most\i0 by Bill Hybels, Willow Creek Resources, p. 55 \par 2. Ibid., p. 58 \f0\fs24\par \pard\cf3\f3\fs22 ----------------------------\par Placed into E-Sword TOP format by David Cox, \cf0{\field{\*\fldinst{HYPERLINK "http://www.davidcox.com.mx"}}{\fldrslt{\ul\cf1 http://www.davidcox.com.mx}}}\cf3\f3\fs22 \par dcox@davidcox.com.mx. \par \fs23\par }